More Than Words

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

HAPPY BA ZHANG DAY = )
enjoy those dumplings but dont have too much and die of it.
haha.

i bet lots of ppl are still in bed,
still enjoying the party that went on at MOS ytd in dreamland.
if only i havent been grounded....
owell, no use dwelling over it now since it's already over.

i may be heading to IKEA with my sister later,
not comfirm yet though till than i shall mug first.
those pile of homewk is gonna kill me soon,
bless me.

i need some motivation to keep me going = (

mySWEETaddiction <3
10:50 AM.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

*SCREAMSSSSSSSSSSSS
it's only been two days, and i've got twenty-six days more.
this one mth seems like years to me = (

having a conversation via sms with jo,
it's been so long since we last met up or even chatted.
everyones been so busy with different schedules,
but the pretty babe has nvr been behind that mind of mine.

it's actually nice to have someone understand what
i'm actually going through right now. i mean
not everyones been through it, what more understand.
i know i'll feel darn stupid if i give up this chance to
improve everything and till it's all gone,
seeing him with another girl infront of me would be worse.
but what if everythings only a one-sided thing,
him being nice may just be because i'm his friend blah blah blah...
there are so many what if(s) that i'll always end up dismissing
the thought and just treasuring everything i'm having now.
it's so complicated esp, it happened twice before.
no one can assure me that it'll nvr happen again,
no one can assure anyone such stuffs either....

well, the truth is, i dare not long for more at all.
i know it better myself,
the more hopes i put in myself, the greater dissapointment it'll be.
it's undenyable that i wish things could be made clear,
so i wouldnt put in any false hopes for myself...

till then, i guess i'll just allow nature to take its course

thanks so much jo.
you're always there when i need a shoulder to cry on,
thanks for making me a better and stronger person <3

"Thats what a friend is for,
when your lost in darkness and searching for the light,
to help you through those lonely nights,
when everything around you fails just hold out your hand,
and i'll come running, thats what a friend is for."

mySWEETaddiction <3
11:35 AM.

Monday, May 29, 2006

foever never fades away.
i dont wana be lonely
i dont wana be scared
i wana see the hope of light shining over me.

today's the start of my stay home mth.

saturday
i got pathetically grounded for only passing two subs
and to make things worse,
my mum decides to ground me for the whole mth...
i got pretty upset,
and had a heated argument with my mum the other day,
my sis sabotaged as usual making everything worse.
i got totally out of control, i ran to open the kitchen
window and threatened to jump down at an instant.

i know it was foolish of me,
but i hate living in this so-called HOME.

the day started out pretty well,
met up with bekah and sheena and headed to sentosa.
but the moment i got there, my mum started all her nonsense
and spoilt my mood at an instant.
i knew it was coming, but wasnt aware of it coming that soon.
bekah and sheena managed to get me smiling and
i started to enjoy my day there, throwing all worries and fear
aside while i happily enjoyed myself with them.

got to know a new friend there.
shouts out to my new friend whose out of town at the moment.
got home and everything started blah blah blah...

sunday
i hated the whole day and
the thought of having my mum at home made it worse.

nothing much happened,
my brother-in-law brought the kids over for a few hours.
the only time i smiled, those cuppycakes made my day.
after they left, i locked myself in the room and didnt came out.

today
woke up feeling so relieved that no ones home at all.
i needed a quiet space for myself, away from anyone and everyone.
was feeling pretty awake since i forced myself to slp
from 3 in the afternoon ytd to this morning.
i didnt want to see anyone at all, what more communicate to anyone
and the only way for me to do that is to isolate myself by slping.

watched the virgin suicides and white oleander while
having lunch just now. i'm gonna complete maths homewk today
and maybe do some physics later on, shall see i guess.

mySWEETaddiction <3
2:58 PM.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

i just got back home from northpoint,
got myself three vcds for entertainment at home
since i'm always so bored at home.
after sch, i headed to bugis with honey and diana to shop
for my stuffs and i'm so happy that i got everything i wanted.
-

not pin-pointing to anyone in particular.
it shall be a very random post i'm updating today.

realised how ppl ard could do a certain thing and
not realised that others ard detest whatever it is.
without consideration of how others feel
but only consideration for themselves.

everyone has a certain taste/style and hardly anyone
could be exactly the same unless one copys&paste that is.
i guess anyone or lets just say everyone will get annoyed
to see a certain person doing the exact same thing or...
sometimes, i really wonder what these ppl are thinking.
it's alright to follow a certain trend but following one
exactly from head-to-toe isnt what i call a trend at all.
like example, i've read other blogs and obviously
everyone expresses themselves in a very different way.
there wont be blogs where both others expresses
exactly in the same way. that's what i'm trying to say,
i realise how annoying it is to read someone elses
blog as if you're reading your own.
sometimes, we'll just dismissed that thought thinking that
it's mere coincidence but come to think again,
will someone express themselves exactly the way you did?
it's impossible!
from the text to how fonts are presented,
it's too much of a mere coincidence seriously.

i guess that's the end of the post.
had the sudden urge to type this cause of the too much
mere coincidence i've realised these few mths.

mySWEETaddiction <3
5:50 PM.

i wish someone out there will be kind enough
to let me know what i'm doing is all worth it.
i cant help but feel so stupid at times,
yet looking back at our pictures, i just couldnt let go.

it's been 5mths a few days...
how many more days, mths or even years...
it wasnt something easy from the start,
but i know it was going to be worse when it ended.

till now, all i wish is i have a clear route of where to go
but sadly, i dont.
his the mist that's clouding my path,
that path i myself isne very not sure of either.

baby, pls tell me what i shld do.

mySWEETaddiction <3
6:31 AM.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

it's the 23rd once again,
the fifth time i'm counting as mths pass by.

The nights are lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling inside
nd nobody knows it but me

dropped by my sister's hse in the late afternoon,
headed down to visit the three cuppycakes.
i'm so shagged right now, they were like princesses and prince,
with non-stop attention and entertainment from me.
had satay for dinner and i'm bloated up right now,
may consider staying over a couple of nights during
the holis to keep those three cuppycakes company.

did so much catching up with my sister,
laughing away as we talk about diffierent habits we have.
it's been so long since both of us talk so much.
my brother-in-law suddenly asked where my boyfriend was
and why he was there with me today,
just told him we've splited up and stuffs.

got really upset in sch today that i cried a whole period,
felt totally lost at what i shld do.
i realised today that i had only passed two subjects
and flank the rest of the others.
i had put in more effort this time round but
seeing the end results, i couldnt take it at all...

I WISH I WISH...
FOR THE STARS TO SHINE BRIGHTLY ON ME...

mySWEETaddiction <3
10:10 PM.

Monday, May 22, 2006

feel it... and not read it

what if...
what if whatever i'm thinking aint what it actually is.
what if...
what if it isnt even for me to think bout it at all.
what if...
what if the person aint me at all...

thousands of qns,
but only a precious one has all the ans.

mySWEETaddiction <3
9:55 PM.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SAMANTHA TOO = D

i simply dont understand,
why do ppl have to keep screwing up my day.
simply explain this to me,
is it that difficult allowing someone to just stay plainly
happy the whole day without screwing it up for once
or maybe just take sympathy on me cause it's my birthday. ohmygoodness.

mrDerekL was talking to us about the philosophy of life today,
very interesting and he had my full attention.
i love such lesson with him, it's something we dont learn daily,
something not every teacher will bother to teach other than their sub.

was supposed to visit my niece at KK after sch,
but after i had a talk with my sis i decided to go tmr instead
since she'll be discharged by then.
will be visiting her at home tmr,
so much more convenient.
so i headed to sheena's hse for lots of slacking and
i cabbed to khatib mrt to meet up with shanxuan,
accompanyed her to LJS for lunch but since i had my
maggie mee at darling's hse, i just watched her ate.
slacked at northpoint and met up with bekah and sheena again,
our journey to J8 was really hilarious, cracking nonsense...
i tried on the top from 77th street and it fitted nicely. YAYNESS.
most prob getting it this thurs but am not very sure either.

took the train home feeling totally BOO-ish,
sheena tried her very best to cheer me up and
i gave her a smile to assure her i was perfectly fine.

mySWEETaddiction <3
9:10 PM.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
So through darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
*
i read his blog, some italic words below and
i wonder who isit for.
confusion confuses me.

will be having belated mother's day dinner later
at taka, some international buffet blah blah blah...

shall go watch tv now,
since there isnt anything fantastic to blog.

iMISSyou
if only you know how much you mean to me
words from a broken heart
so much that i havent had a chance to tell
feel deep within the amount you have filled my heart

mySWEETaddiction <3
3:20 PM.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

cip was terrible pls,
there are so many places restricted and
yishun isnt a very big place either.

breakfast at mac after collecting the tins,
had my all-long favourite HOTCAKES = )
*i'm suchah happy girl
after our very filling breakfast,
we started work. headed to the interchange
and quite a few donated but as compared
to the ppl staying in chinatown,
yishun folks are super duper stingy.
it was so warm that sheena and mine uniform
were soaked with our perspiration...
after the killer sun decided to make the
whole place warmer than it already is,
we headed over to mac for some slacking.

i'm actually at honey's place right now,
updating my daily rants while she's bathing.

i so wana RANT OUT pls.
somethings are getting really complicated and
i guess it's going to a very happy day out later on.
and i've actually learnt a lesson,
that next year's birthday celebration shall not be
anymore like this again.

more to be updated when i'm back home
from this fabulous day out, crying to myself = )
-

i'm so shagged cause i just got home. yawns
the whole day turned out pretty bad,
celebrations with them were screwd due to something.
was pretty upset that the whole thing turned up like that,
cried at TCC while talking to honey and
immelia sis popped up and made me smile. *thanks sis = )
had a hug from her and she left to find daryl, her darling.
was pretty upset thus i got really quiet the the whole time,
papa, suiyi and edwin got a surprise for me.
i was so touched that i cried even more,
they secretly bought a slice of cake and had a candle on it for me
cause i was crying so much, they made the waiter bring it up.
i was so touched pls, i'm always the one popping surprises
for ppl and nvr did i thought anyone would do it for me.
*thanks so much guys

things got really bad when we left TCC,
that edwin, suiyi and i got really confused on what to do.
i couldnt see my honey got any sadder than she already is,
rushed to get her ROYCE chocs and finally saw her smile.
in return, she surprised me with the marscara i longed wanted.

walked ard till we've got totally no where else to head to,
got our butts settled at the nee ann city's fountain.
wilson bro was so nice, he rushed down when i called him.
i loveeeee this bro to bits&pieces.
they left ard 9plus, so wilson and i went to heeren
than over to cine again. intended to head to TCC again
but since it was full, we went to take neos. yayness.
left ard 10 and we took the train back home
and wilson was so sweet to walk me back.

the day turned out pretty much alright i guess,
definitely thanks to those who made my day.

mySWEETaddiction <3
11:20 PM.

Friday, May 19, 2006

i nvr like having this feeling regarding a certain someone.
i dont give a darn whether i'm imagining too much
or whatsoever, i just detest the way things are did at times.

sometimes, when i'm in totally no mood to stir things up
i'll try my best to give my widest smile ever.
so beware of my wide wide smile towards you,
it doesnt necessarily means that i like you...

chilled at northpoint for a lil while after sch
before deciding to head down to bugis.
yayness.
a day for me to not stay at home, facing those four walls.
met up with bekah and sheena at 3.30 and
i felt that i'm always fooled by the weather.
just when i'm always five mins before i'm ready
to get my butt out of the hse, it'll rain like no ones business.
first stop was down to sim lim to get bekah's nano sold off,
get the ching ching(s) and we headed to parco bugis junction
to get sheena's cap, the cap she's so addicted to.
left ard 7 and we train down to town, to get bekah's crumpler
and in search for my belt.
finally got my black crown belt, new arrival = )

left ard 9 and we rushed the train back hoping to be able to catch
a slight glimpse of the 9pm show, luckily i did.
did my nails while i watched da chang jing, exciting part today....

shall stop here.
will have to be up early for cip tmr again.
rarr.

goodnight my love.

mySWEETaddiction <3
11:35 PM.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

totally turned off when i heard they shared money
for the woven bronze bag i long wanted.
thanks but no thanks.
if i had knew earlier, i would have shared with honey
and got that bag for my ownself as a birthday prezzie.
reagrding this sat,
i'm still considering bout it.
i may or may not turn up, shall see my mood for that day.

i'm so excited today.
shopped ard town with bekah, sheena and dinika.
saw a few pieces of clothes that caught my eye.
yayness.
i cant wait for nxt sat but i'm dreading for this sat.
totally suck pls.
without passing this sat, there's no way nxt sat will come = (

we took neos today, and spent an hour decorating and stuffs.
saw my lovely immelia sis, and i gave her a shocked by
phoning her when i'm actually just behind her.
was trying to be cheeky and i got a kick from her in return. LOL
i was so nice cause i bought her famous amos cookies.

we had so much pictures taken today.
our cameras were snapping non-stop the whole day.

train home and had dinner at northpoint's foodcourt,
rushed back home for my 9pm show.
shall stop here, i'm gonna catch my da chang jing.

mySWEETaddiction <3
10:30 PM.

i woke up having a headache,
and i'm feeling real dizzy with the urge of puking now.
sighs.

i guess, it costs when you've received something good too.
i had this real magical time in dreamland with him,
i could rmb every single detail that happened but
i shant elaborate much. the thing that got me surprised
was i could feel his warmth embrace and his lips.
it was like exactly how it happened when we were...

though i'm real happy, i woke up feeling really creepy.
but owell, it did happened in my dreamland afterall.
my very own magical time with him, him and none others = )

mySWEETaddiction <3
11:20 AM.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

plans got pretty complicated as my birthday nears,
it got to the extent that i felt like cancelling it again.

it gets pretty frustrating when i'm asked to make a decision
and it's made, others will amend the arrangements secretly
behind my back. i was so fed up, i told honey off.
i'm gonna wash my hands off all plans,
worse come to the worse i'll just cancel everything.
it aint a very impt event or whatsoever,
it's just my birthday which falls on the 22may every year.
it's so annoying to hear "you're the birthday girl, you make a decision"
and when it's made, it'll get changed without even me knowing.
ppl, it's hard tp please everyone esp. on your birthday.
seriously, i aint looking forward to sat at all.
i'm still considering....

seriously, it doesnt feel like it's my birthday.
it feels more like it's their birthday,
with none of my feelings considered at all..
what the hell are these... darn sickening!

it doesnt pay when you're too nice,
you get stepped over by ppl who doesnt appreciates.
when you're too mean,
you get gossiped by others with nasty comments.
it's hard to live in this world,
with so many ppl you've got to please.

had lunch with bekah and sheena at northpoint's foodcourt,
shopped ard and we were so annoyed by the girl at mac's
ice-cream corner. her attitude sucked!

got home and washed up.
walked over to bekah's hse to meet up with her
and then we went over to sheena's hse.
gosh, i walked from one end of yishun to the other end of khatib.
i was supposed to meet up with mrEng for a movie,
but he couldnt seem make up his mind quick enough.
so i promised to meet up with sheena and bekah,
the usuals of slacking at sheena's hse.
bekah was engrossed in playing maple while
sheena and i got real bored and started cam whoring.

got a cab and dropped bekah home.
i'm starving, waiting for mummy to get me my dinner = )

mySWEETaddiction <3
9:45 PM.

Monday, May 15, 2006

[*/EDITED]
it's freezing in here,
my darling sheena's room is like a freezer.
brrr...

we're having a great time on the phone with ivan,
with loudspeaker on and four ppl shouting...
finally, today's the last day of the exams = )
SS was totally pathetic,
since i didnt do any revision but only read a few pages
the ans is obvious that i'll flank the paper.
hopefully i'll pass my physics paper,
paper1 was alright to me but paper2 was darn challanging.

we went to the reservoir after revision ytd,
cam whore the wholetime with so many mosquitos sucking our blood.
we were practically jumping ard the wholetime since
it wouldnt let us stand still for even a couple of secs...

alright, i shall stop here.
darling wants to use the com now.

shall upload the pics when i get home tonight.
ciaos..
-

was browsing through friends msn nicks and i came across this,
the more hope you put, the greater dissapointment you'll get.
i couldnt agree more, esp. when at times you feel all so lost.

i need a wake up call,
to be awake from what i'm still dreaming for.
wishing for nothing but flowers and butterflies,
i know it's the end of all.

it's the end i'm aware of,
no use pondering it over&over again.
i feel fooled and stupid at times for wishing so much,
for something i jolly well know wont happen.
i need to be awake,
i need to be free from all,
i want to be tied no more.

sometimes, it gets really tiring to keep replaying everything.
i felt so...... after reading his blog,
the confusion i felt was as much as the pain i have.
i wish somethings could be clear so i wouldnt have to
torture myself from sorting all out time&time again.
it gets really dreading.

the pictures as promised.

mySWEETaddiction <3
8:15 PM.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

she woke up with hope but only found tears.

sudden urge that kept me repeating Savage Garden,
truely, madly, deeply and C21, stuck in my heart.
the two songs that meant so much to US,
or maybe only for me now i guess.

i rmb the times when i'll keep singing at the beginning to honey
all day long that i almost drove her up the wall every single time.
reminding her how much i'm looking forward to the day i'll be married
to him and that at the beginning was gonna be my song on
my wedding night and she too promised to be my bridesmaid.
promising to stay as besties till the world crashes down on us.

i cant stop the tears that's on the verge of falling,
upon how much i wish to have him embracing me tightly now...
i know what's most impt is that his happy, and he is.

spending every sat with him nvr failed to make my day
even though it'll always end up with me screwing it up.
quarreling and starting all those childish nonsense just to
get that bitsy attention i wished i had like we first started out.
lying on each other's lap for that comfort and love,
i nvr could get from the disastrous home i'm living in.
to be there in the middle of the night when i could call
none other but only him to listen to me cry till my heart's content.
so much of everything that i miss,
so much of everything i wish to see it play back.

the last kiss i got on 24 dec 2005 was the last of everything.
the last of having him in my life,
that last of having him as mine.

the guilt i felt,
the fears and nightmares i had to overcome alone.
to feel tears the moment my eyes are open,
to feel fear for a new day to come and pass-by...
as much as i wish my apologies could changed everything,
it was totally over.
apologies were accepted fast and quick but till one's limits are up.
thousands, millions even billions of apologies can change nothing.

nothing other than memories are walking each day ahead with me.
songs that reminds me of him,
photos of us at places we've left our footsteps and
definitely that video he made for me.
he promised more of the videos to come,
but it all ended before it could continue...

i'm sorry baby.
with nothing but only apologies to you.
i dont blame you for ending it,
i knew it was coming only a matter of time.
i lost you but not our memories,
engraved and forever inside this heart of mine.

mySWEETaddiction <3
11:10 PM.

Friday, May 12, 2006

last min changed of plan.
since i was so bored at home,
wilson and i met up to mug.
it was raining so heavily when i left home
and wilson and i started playing the rain.

was mugging half way when wilson suggested
to catch a movie, when to check out the time and
we decided on the show Poseidon.
zheng ee met up with us ard 7, got our tics and
used the remaining spare time at timezone as usual.
i'll rate it 4/5stars, a must watch show for everyone.

after the movie we decided to slack somewhere,
got our drinks from cheers and settled down ard my area.
chit-chatted and the guys were totally insane,
the nonsense from both of them were hilarious.

left ard 10.30, if i knew daddy was out i would
have stayed out a little longer.
too bad,
i only found out when i was a few mins upon reaching home.

random shots taken today.

mySWEETaddiction <3
11:20 PM.

yesterday
bekah and sheena came to slack at my hse and
bekah was CRAZILY engrossed in exploring her tamaguchi town.
while sheena and i were engrossed in cam whoring
the whole time, before bekah joined us in the picture background.

left home ard 3plus 4 and intended to mug our physics but
we ended up playing at timezone and funland.
had late-lunch at long john and we somehow came to
the topic of disliking ppl who actually poses the way
you talk, chat, dress, blog blah blah blah...
it nvr fails to get anyone iriitated plus firey.
sometimes, things gets too obvious and yet
ppl can still try to act ignorant.

got our butts fixed at BK for not long before
we went to sell bekah's handphone and
train down to douby gourt to meet aunty sarah.
searched the whole of plaza sing to get bekah's plan,
but somehow the price was so much higher and
bekah's plan to get a new handphone was dashed.
gave up searching at plaza sing and we headed to town instead.
searched high&low but found nothing in the end.

left ard 9plus 10, saw joel and the guys at S11 on my way home,
joined them till ard 11.30 and i headed back..

was msging with mrEng and he asked whether i could go out,
sadly, i couldnt! he wanted to smoke and drink together...
the nicest thing was, if i could, he would have come to my place.
*i hate myself for having late night curfews.

it's so nice to just click up with old friends and
reminiscence those great old days together.

some pictures for the day.

today
i slept till 11 and my mum dragged me out of bed for breakfast.
rarr.
it's a public holi today and i want my slp!
i'm not feeling very well lately,
and my mum seems to intend to kill me with just her breakfast.
i'm having some yam kueh and it's really heaty plus i'm already
having a bad throat from all those junkies i ate while mugging.
see, my mum cant wait to get rid of me from this hse.

owell, it'll either be a stay-home public holi or i may get out.
no plans so far. meanwhile, i shall just slack my way through.

mySWEETaddiction <3
12:30 PM.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

it's early in the morning and my mum cant stop NAGGING!
thanks so much.

it spoils my mood just to wake up and see her and now,
a morning with her unhealthy breakfast plus nagging.
*I'M GOING CRAZILY CRAZE
hotdogs plus eggs that tasted like it's been soaked in oil for years.

i say she die she dies.

mySWEETaddiction <3
6:40 AM.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

i woke up feeling so miserable.
asking myself why did i chose to ask him that last night.

i wanted to know,
i felt the need to be clear from the start.
else, the hurt would be unbearable again.

though i didnt got my ans but after reading his blog,
the replied there was good enough for now..

godblessme.
it's chinese paper2 and POA today.
rarrrrr.

BYE.
i'm off to sch = )

mySWEETaddiction <3
6:40 AM.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

i'm supposed to be mugging right now,
but honey and i just finished watching aspect no mercy.
we had KFC for lunch,
and i'm guilty cause when i think of those fats down in my tummy.
rarr.

am gonna update lil bitsy before i start.

we got real bored.

mySWEETaddiction <3
3:07 PM.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

i'm not sure of what he said,
he might or might not have found my blog
but it gave me that instant fear when he said he did.

i dont want to seem all-so-in-need for him,
though i know how much i miss having him ard.
i dont want to look weak in his eyes anymore,
i dont want to seem as if i cannot go on without him...

most importantly, i dont want him to know how much
he actually still means to me and my heart.

i'm contented with how everything is now, i really am.
it doesnt matter how things improved,
the last thing i want is to see him leave again.

mySWEETaddiction <3
8:25 PM.

YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO UNREACHABLE.

Sometimes love is addiction
Sometimes it hurts like hell
Sometimes I just can't get enough
You can't make me love you anymore than I do
But you nvr fail to make me feel so unreachable

had quality time spent ytd chatting on the phone with him.
it wasnt a very long conversation yet i was really happy.

it's been long since we last chatted and laughed on the line.

that rmbing the time when we had nothing to say yet
just hogged on the line for the sake of it...
IT'S GONEEEEEEEEEEE.

i know it's happening,
it's happening to me all over again.
i may not be sure how everything will end but...
i can feel that i'm feeling for him once again.
the feeling that i thought i've lost longgggg time ago.
-

will be meeting up with van later for some mugging.
i'm so guilty that i didnt touch my book ytd except
during tuition, when i did 2hrs of maths.

i'm gonna make sure i produce something out from today.
at least complete the chapt, tourism. i really love that topic
and as for agriculture and manufacturing, godblessme.

mySWEETaddiction <3
10:20 AM.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

a person who uses underhand tactics to win,
will defeat as a loser.
but the loser on the other hand,
will be defeat as a winner.

PLAY ACCORDING TO THE RULES
or accept the consequnences later.

just had a quarrel with that mum cause of the stupid BITCH at home.
whats the quarrel about?
me saying the word dulan.
what's the biggy thing bout me saying that word!

dont parents ever know that kids learn all sorts of languages
in sch. no matter what background they're from or
whether it's a prestigious sch or not.

finally, today.
i saw my mum's true colours,
how i've always been inside her.
sad to say, from the way she described it...
i'm as good as nothing,
she might as well just tell it in my face that i'm not her daughter at all.
maybe i would feel so much better rather than feeling so shitty now.

and that sister at home is horrible.
how horrible? to the extent of me feeling like getting rid of her.
why other sisters can get along so well and not us?
that's so simple!
cause their sisters are not as scheming as mine.
does that ans to everything. omygoshhh.
and her favourite past time is to add more fuel to the fire.

it doesnt hurt to see that sister doing all these,
what hurts most is to see that mother helping her time&time again.
i dont see a point of her being all-so-perfect infront of whoever
when in actual fact, NO ONE'S PERFECT. godammit.

no matter how close-to-perfect one can be,
there will still be flaws that eyes could see.

how picture perfect does my life seem?
totally picture p e r f e c t.
-

everything seems like it had not ended.
for me to smile when your name appears in my phone,
to see those textes that are filled with your concern.

waking up everyday seems to add in a little hope for me,
for me to see a future for us.
the future that was blurred when you left that very day.

i may not understand where this is taking me to.
i may be putting on false hopes for myself,
but if there was a chance for everything to be perfect.
will i still take the risk to start all over again and hope to be happy?
i hope i could say YES, I'M WILLING TAKE THE RISK AGAIN bravely.
sadly, it doesnt seem like it at all.
with a little hope filling me up each day,
a little pinch of fear is adding it up too.

but what can i say?
undenyable it is, i wish to see all playing all over again.

iMISSyou.
but iFEARyou too.

mySWEETaddiction <3
1:20 PM.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Our seperation has it's faults
But I don't wanna leave it all
So write the letters in teary ink
I just need some time to think
And I just need some time to breathe

We're in a spell that never ends
The empty hourglass wore me thin
So let the phone do it's work
Your voice is heaven
But it hurts
Your words are memories
But they burn
*
wasnt gonna blog til the exams are over but on
second thought, i shall have my last entry up till
i've got the time to blog in between the exams.

yesterday
went to mug at BK with honey ytd,
with bekah and sheena joining us later near evening time.
it was actually mugging, chatting and nonsense going on till
this pervertic guy appeared at the table beside us.

it started out purely like a stranger trying to start a normal
conversation, ans him to what he asked thinking it was nothing.
he started acting really weird and i mean really weird.
he would keep looking at us and pretend to bend below the table
and look at who knows what but this wasnt why we called him a pervert.
he actually held onto his DICK when he was looking at us.
imagine a man looking at you with his hand on his dick? GROSS!
he didnt leave, making us felt that fear was arising.
ahbong and kangxin kor came and that pervert didnt even
dare to look over, and finally left after some time later..

the guys left soon after too and honey headed back home.
stayed to coach sheena maths and left ard 8.30,
went to meet up with ahbong....
the usuals of slacking at 213 but left soon too, at 9.

today
sch was real fun today.
there wasnt any reading period since it was replaced
with us having to rearrange the tables for tmr.
tmr, the start of MYE and i'm still in a holi mood. gesh.

hmmm...
i actually forgotten what happened exactly in sch today, nvm.
but was cam whoring in the toilet during MT lesson,
and mrDerek was really annoying today.
told him that i would get him later during chem since
i was sitting infront of the teacher and it wasnt convenient to msg.
andand he actually said i was lying. rarr.
well, but one of his reply kept me smiling to myself.

some pics taken today.

mySWEETaddiction <3
5:25 PM.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

i guess i sounded too harsh in my previous post
but i was so fucking pissed off...

owell, i've just sorted out weili's side and it's already cleared.
as for sihan's side...

i feel that everyone has a part to be blamed but
cause of how she 'reacted', i felt that it made things worse..
but i guess, there aint no overnight grudges esp. friends of 4yrs.

just like what weili said,
it's only a mistake and it shldnt threatened the friendship at all.
i cant ensure that i've totally cool down but at least,
i'm not that firey anymore...

pls dont sound as if your kindness was took for granted,
cause it's totally not true at all...
you aint the only one whose doing the 'dirty' job..

will have lots of sorting out to do in my dreamland.

mySWEETaddiction <3
9:50 PM.

sch turned out pretty ugly today.
shall take my time to vent it all out since it's so hard so swallow it.

to that certain SOMEONE:
TRUST IS HARD TO GAIN ONCE IT'S BROKEN.

to think that i trusted her so much,
thinking it was harmless to tell her everything since she's got my trust
but i guess I"M WRG this time.

things wouldnt have ended up so ugly if it wasnt for her, seriously.
well, i hope she's really happy to see it turned out like that.
it's pretty obvious that when ppl write you a letter,
you dont show it to any single soul since it's private for goodness sake.
and what's worse?
trying to act ignorant once the content had been leaked out.

BLOODY HELL!
i cant believe i actually trusted her so much.
how much dumber can i still get...!

sorted things out via sms with weili after sch and
i actually admit i wasnt that pissed off with them just frustrated.
she suggested conferencing tonight to sort it out,
i didnt mind at all but if she was going to be in it.
forget it!
told weili that she has broke the trust i have in her
and i've got totally nothing to say to her
or maybe not for the time-being till i've calm down at least.
else i may blow up, i mean who knows...

sometimes, trying to get help from the guys may work
but it dont ever assume that it'll always work out that way.
she aint the only one guys will lend a hand in times of trouble.

*this matter has got nothing to do with W.A.Y.

tonns of LOVES to adeline and honey.
it's actually obvious who are the ones you call best friends/trustable,
but nvr be too sure cause there'll always be exceptions.

mySWEETaddiction <3
3:45 PM.